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Have you ever thought how a person's self-love starts with what first and then turns into lovelessness?
If we think about the way we were born, we leave ourselves in the arms of our parents in a surrender that we are not aware of. They nurture, raise, educate and love us... Every parent loves in his own way... He thinks that love is what he learned how he learned to love, how he modeled it.
Although love can be transmitted in many different ways, it is basically of two types, indirect and direct.
Generally, we see that most people express their love indirectly rather than directly. By expressing our love indirectly, we expect them to understand us. However, expressing our love directly means making life easier for both ours and the other party and evaluating time more accurately. The way to make life easier rather than complicating it can be to concentrate on the positivity that will be created by the emotions we extract from ourselves, not the negative aspects of the reactions of the other party after expressing our feelings. can pass from being
As the famous scientist said, "If the visible and the essence were the same, there would be no such thing as science." As he stated very well... Sometimes we express our feelings directly, but sometimes we act as guarantees by playing games to make sure that the other person is telling the truth or to feel whether they are honest or not.
As always, our family is where we learn how to make our love feel, whether indirectly or directly. Because there we meet our "firsts". The first hug, the first kiss, the first touch, the first fight, the first anger, the first anger, the first resentment… We act like they do, by imitating them. For example, a child who feels loved as a result of meeting the needs in a family does the same to show his love. "I love you" by meeting his family's needs. thinks it is one. Or the child, who feels valuable and worthy of being loved by surprises, shows his love by making surprises to his loved ones. Or, a child who sees that he was created out of nothing to meet his own needs, shows his love to the people he loves by creating them out of nothing, even though he does not have it. Because in the family "I love you." shown this way. He also presents and demonstrates what he has learned without questioning. Because whatever is done in a lantern created within the family, it is assumed that everyone behaves, feels or feels the same love...
As we begin to mingle with the social environment, we see that there are ways of showing love that are different from our own. Because we express love indirectly, we say "I love you" the way we learned it. We expect the other side to understand us. Even when he doesn't understand, we think he probably has a problem. But we fail to realize that if everyone learns to show their love in the family they grew up in, everyone's way of showing it is different. Therefore, how can we understand that we love or are loved in these differences? It's good to ask...
The quickest way is to be direct and clear. Because clarity takes you from a dream world where you are surrounded by assumptions and takes you towards reality. If indirect communication is a different and misleading communication method than the language everyone uses, it is useful to express your feelings boldly and clearly to make your life easier. If you say, "Oh, it's not that easy." It would be useful to ask "Why?" in a very simple way. What will you lose? Will you lose something more valuable than the time you lose when you can't get out of your way with assumptions?
On the other hand, if we go back to our original question… The place where we feel lovable or unlovable is the family to begin with. At the point where we begin to fail to show the love we show indirectly, we begin to run out. We begin to feed neither ourselves nor our loved ones with our love. For example, if there is a father who has nothing left in his hand, but has always learned to show his love by meeting the needs of his family and does not know how to show his love when he has no money, he will begin to dislike himself at first. Because he learns and teaches that the name of meeting needs is love, he starts to dislike himself because he cannot meet his own needs first. Since he cannot meet the needs of his family, he puts others into a process where he deprives others of his love, as well as not loving himself.
Then he becomes angry and self-isolating. This causes them to raise such generations. The primary reason is that he is the child of a mother or father who does not love himself for whatever reason. Because how can someone who hasn't learned and doesn't know how to convey healthy love teach their child? Of course, every parent teaches something in their own potential.